Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
