Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
