Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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