Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
