why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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