He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
