I must be too annoying 4 u.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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