No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
