Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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