Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
