I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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