y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
