Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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