Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
