I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
