Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
