I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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