i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ttyl tear gas
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
