Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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