doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
