So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
