Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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