I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I could have mohawked her pubes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
