Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
