just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
