I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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