the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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