thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
