Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i believe in u and ur pee
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
