fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
