put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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