Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
