so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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