I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
