She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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