We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
