Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Text me some of your sweat
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
