Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
