Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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