Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
