It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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