i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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