I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
