some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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