Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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