ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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