I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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