Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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