I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
