i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
