He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize