You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
