I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
