last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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