No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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