it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
