is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
