do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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