john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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