States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
