thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's always time for handjobs
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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