when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
MIDGETS
????
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
