8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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