apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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