Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
